let's be real....

well, after about 20 minutes of failed attempts to get my HOUSE dvd to play (it's a pirated copy from the local market down the street) here i am, updating the blog.
yeah, as the title indicates, this is a post of honesty. ha. so no shame about the dvd i bought for 50 cents, right?

there has been a lot on my little heart and mind the past couple of weeks.
and i feel as though many things are changing.
so let me be real with you...

yes. there are many days/nights here i just want to be back home. i want to sit with my best friends eating mint chocolate chip ice cream. or i want to go buy a new dress and fix my hair and do my makeup. or sometimes i want to go on a date with a cute boy to a nice restaurant, eating fish tacos :), and laughing about dumb things. or i want to lay out on the beach, with a huge diet coke and a good book. or i want to go on a long bike ride with good friends on a nice, paved road. or i want to have themed parties at my house with fun music and cute decorations.
and many nights i just simply want community...to come home and process all the things i saw/heard/experienced in my day with someone else who really, really knows me and gets me.
because i'm human. i'm a normal 23 year old.

but here is the truth.

more than all of those things combined, i want to live a life of complete abandonment for my heavenly Father. i want to spend my life in an attempt to live out the gospel the best way i know how (as flawed as it may be). i want to love the unloved, and share hope with the hopeless. i want to experience moments of true joy, knowing that i am right where i'm supposed to be - no matter how unfamiliar or far from home it may be. i want to live for something beyond myself.

because at the end of my life, i don't think i'll be wishing for more fun parties, or new dresses, or fish tacos.

so yeah. things are good. i have a lot to be thankful for. i am happy to be right where i am.
that's it folks.
take it or leave it.

love yall.