near or far

the only thing on my mind tonight.
thankful for 20 years with him, but anxiously awaiting the rest.
remembering the love God has shown to me and my parents.

Faith will become vision, hope will become possession, but the love of Jesus Christ, that is stronger than death; it endures forever. In the end it is the one thing you can hold on to.

let it be said of me

"She has intentionally taken those gifts onto battle fields where she knows she cannot win on her own, and where she believes God is pleased to stand with her. She gets to experience God. Not without struggle, scrapes, and doubts. But at the end of the day her cheeks are flushed, her eyes are clear, and she has stories. She has unforgettable days with her Father on great mountains."
-Gary Haugen

I know some women like this. And pray that at the end of my life something like this could be said of me.
But just as fascinating at this quote is, the story behind the man who said it is equally as fascinating.

Gary Haugen worked for the Department of Justice. He was then sent to Rwanda with the UN as the chief investigator for the genocide that took place there. Thousands of people were killed in Rwanda. And Gary came face to face with this reality.
He came back home to the States, and founded IJM - International Justice Mission.
And now IJM is working to save thousands of women, men, and children from modern day slavery.
He saw the oppression and suffering, his eyes were opened, and he did something about it.

I can't help but ask myself, "What have I seen? And what now am I going to do about it?"

free and far from home

"there are days when my soul drifts away,
to the thought of stayin in place,
and when i do i'll be loyal and true with a love that begs me to stay,
but until then..."

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." 
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

nairobi

Things I love about Nairobi:

1. Chapati.
2. Swahili. I love this language. (especially singing songs in Swahili on Sunday mornings...and knowing the meaning!)
3. 60 cent DVDs - HOUSE Season 1 to be exact!! this girl is happy! I've been wanting to buy the first season forever.
4. Diversity.
5. Reality. You can't escape the reality of need, poverty, hunger, etc. I don't "love" this...at all, but it is something I'm growing very thankful for. I'm thankful for the daily reminder, praying that it leads to change in my own life.

A few things I don't love so much:

1. Lack of running. I don't really feel safe to run very far from my house. And it's just kind of a weird thing. There are tons of people, lots of traffic, and it's just not that feasible. Working out is hard. It's soup can dumbbells for me all the way.
2. The ants that live in my bathroom sink. big ones. and a lot of them.
3. The price of cereal. Cereal is really expensive here! And normally I could eat cereal for 2 out of 3 meals.
4. Pollution.
5. Reality. Yeah, it goes on both lists. As much as one can be thankful for this, if I'm honest with myself, there are many days I'd like to hide behind or distract myself with skype, movies, etc. The balance is difficult to find.

Today I was sitting on a bus downtown, crowded with Kenyans, the only mzungu (white person), and I thought to myself
"I really like Nairobi."
:)

no words needed.

curiosity kills the cat

I've been watching my stats on this blog, and I've had quite a few visitors around here recently.
I'm curious.
What do people like to read in a blog?
No really. Tell me.
pictures, videos, thoughts, stories....??

Because I know what I look for in a blog, but I'm finding my own doesn't really reflect that.
So it makes me ask the question, "Tana, would you read your own blog?"
Interesting.

Here's what I found in most of the blogs I regularly read:
- they are written by people I love (maybe that's what I got going for me. ha)
- design based: typography, graphic design, print, etc.
- short: I tend to read shorter posts rather than longer ones
- creative: I like to see what people create
- travel: I live to hear about people's travels, new places/experiences
- funny is good. a lil humor is always nice.

Anyways, "blogging" is a weird concept, but I don't hate it.
At the end of the day, I don't think I'll really change much about the things I post.
Just curious. :)

Tell me what you think.
Unasema nini unafikiri.

Tana

front lines

I am here living and working in Nairobi, Kenya as a missionary.
But I am not the one teaching English to schoolchildren, or treating an HIV patient, or leading Bible classes in the slum. No, I am not on the “front lines” of the mission field, if you will.
But I am telling the stories of those that are.

So my role is different. But what an incredible opportunity I have been given…the chance to share and inform you and the rest of the Church about all that God is doing. Every day I hear a different story of what God is doing in Kenya, in Sudan, in areas of extreme Islamic influence, in tiny islands off the coast of Africa where people have never heard the name of Jesus, etc, etc.
And I think it’s of utmost importance. How will people know? So many of us are completely unaware of what is happening around the world – especially places like Africa where we can count on one hand the names of countries we know. This isn’t a bash on American/Western culture, it’s just a reminder – for myself – of the need to show the world the realities that face the majority of people. And to encourage that God is here, He is moving and changing lives. He is still King despite the news reports or preconceived notions.

By no means does this mean that I don’t have those opportunities to invest and share with unbelievers in my community. That’s the same for all of us. And just by nature of living here, my eyes are witnessing incredible experiences in the lives of Kenyans and Wazungu (white people) alike. God is the same God here, as in the States – He never changes. Nor does our call to “go and make disciples of all nations.” No matter which nation you call home.

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OFM Update
We are beginning production for our upcoming film this week. This past week has been lots of storyboarding, script revisions, brainstorm sessions, and organizing lots of details! Because this film involves a pretty large cast and many different locations there is much to be done in the pre-production stages.
It’s fun though. I’m getting pretty pumped about seeing it all come together.

For my techie friends out there, we are shooting with the PanasonicAF100 and the Canon 7D. The Panasonic is a beast and I am totally unfamiliar with it.

This week I was reminded of the importance of prayer. Praying for this film is something that could be overlooked, when the reality is – it is the necessary component of our work. Doing something like this on our own, without our Maker, is never a good idea.

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America and Cupcakes
So I just wanted to follow up with the cupcakes I posted earlier.
The recipe for the cake was so interesting – no eggs! It’s a great option when you don’t have a lot of time. It’s called Wacky Cake.

Anyways, I thought they turned out quite tasty. And the icing was just a simple icing recipe. But check out that food coloring! You can’t get a green like that in the States. (okay you can, but not as easy at home)

I made the cupcakes as a good-bye gift for my friend David Wangaka as he traveled back to the US. I met David while visiting a StudentLife team last summer in CO. His story is incredible. Growing up in poverty here in Kenya, became a sponsored Compassion child, and now is passionately following Jesus, speaking to thousands of young people about our call to helping the least of these. I am encouraged and challenged by his life.




Speaking of Compassion – I am meeting MY sponsored little girl, Monica, on July 15th! She lives only 2 ½ hours away from me! I am beyond excited! This is an incentive to sharpen up my Swahili, so I can really talk with her! I have been sponsoring her for about 5 years now, so this is really a dream come true. I’m not really sure what to expect, but am praying that God would go before and prepare both our hearts for this meeting!


Last night I had this...and almost cried. mint chocolate chip, folks.

"Something beautiful, something good;
All my confusion He understood.
All I had to offer him was brokenness and strife,
But He made something beautiful of my life."

my prayer for tonight.

kuna karamu!

Kuna Karamu - "Let's Celebrate" in Swahili.

Today is a special day.
It is Mother's Day and my one month anniversary for living in Kenya! :)
So Happy Mother's Day to my wonderful mom and cheers to one month in Kenya!

I wanted to have some special post to celebrate already living here a month, but as they say...
"A picture's worth a thousand words."
I went to Mt. Kenya eeeeaarlly this morning and it was wonderful! But I'm pretty tired tonight.
So anyways, instead of my ramblings, here's a few pictures.

More on the cupcakes and Mt. Kenya to come!

a rainy afternoon.

"tut-tut. it looks like rain." - winnie the pooh

i set out to take an entirely different set of pictures this evening after work.
then it started raining.
and then i ran into the three cutest Scottish boys I know, playing in the mud, of course.

instant coffee

Tonight I have many things going through my head I'd like to share with you, but I think I'll just stick to a few things.
The past couple of nights the power has been going out for several hours, or even the whole night sometimes. And there are few things you can do by candlelight...reading, praying, thinking, writing letters, the end. So maybe that's where all these different ideas are coming from. But for your sake, I'll keep it simple. Ha.

So I was thinking about coffee the other day. I currently don't have a coffee pot, and I looked at french presses in the grocery store and they are quite pricey. So I have been reluctant to make a purchase (mainly just because I'm pretty frugal) and have been using instant coffee. There was some in a jar when I moved into the house, so I've just been using it in the mornings.
You see, I really love coffee. Really just love the way it tastes. So I figured, having that cup of instant coffee was better than nothing. Right?
Well, then, I had a cup of coffee from Java House, which I've had before. But after having so many cups of the random-old-found-in-a-cupboard instant coffee, that simple cup of fresh-brewed, Kenyan, Java House coffee with a splash of milk, no sugar...was like a taste of Heaven! I didn't realize how much I had been settling with this instant coffee, until I tasted the other.

Taste and see that the Lord is good. Psalm 34:8

So the coffee is just a metaphor (I could definitely survive on it, and I still have yet to purchase any coffee pot or coffee beans) but it really got me thinking about my life. About settling. How often do I settle for the "instant coffee" when the fresh brewed cup awaits me?
If you ask me what my biggest fear is, I would tell you just that: settling.
I think about the C.S. Lewis quote:

We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased."

I don't want to be "too easily pleased".
But I'm going to take a slight spin on this....some things I honestly haven't given much thought to until recently. Until moving to Kenya. I never want to settle, but I also don't want to be driven by fear. I don't want to move on or change simply because I am afraid that maybe it's not the best thing. I want to live and move and be because of God's leading in my life. And I think "not settling" looks different for everyone.
Maybe this makes no sense, and I should just keep it to myself, but too late. :)
Perhaps theres no harm in taking the risk, in jumping in head first, in leaving behind one thing in search for another.
Or maybe there is?
I don't think theres a clear answer. And I'm okay with that.
Learning to take each day as it comes, really.

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Today at the office, we interviewed about 10 Kenyan college students for a PA position for the upcoming film we are working on. It was really fun.
It was very interesting talking to them, all of them Communications students studying video production. Many differences in our education experiences. For example, their final video project had to be 45 minutes. Yes! 45 minutes!!! Where as mine was about 10! Crazy.

Tomorrow is Cinco de Mayo. Eat a taco for me, por favor.

live unsettled.
Tana


the good stuff.